Hotel Norbu Linka

To the tune of “Hotel California”, lyrics by Jimmy Simpson.

On a hot desert pathway
Cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of Tibetan bread
Rising up through the air
 
Up ahead in the distance
There’s a huge wall of stairs
My legs grew heavy and my heart grew weak
As my cheap backpack tears
 
There she stood in the doorway
I heard the Nepali yell
And I was thinking too myself
“What on earth is she trying to sell?”
 
Then she pulled out some cold drinks
Cuz it was a hot Jomsom day
There were voices down the corridor
I thought I heard them say
 
“Welcome to the Hotel Mona Lisa
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely place
There’s plenty of room at the Hotel Mona Lisa
Any time of year
You can find it here”
 
My head is definitely sweating
I got my bandana
I could sure use a milkshake now
Chocolate banana
 
How they quack in the courtyard
The strange Nepali “chuck”
Part of it is a chicken
The other part is a duck
 
So I call to the waiter
Dhai, bring me a drink
He said, “We haven’t had Pineapple Fanta here
Since 1993”
 
And still those mosquitoes are buzzing not far away
Wake you in the middle of the night
I thought I hear Jeremy say
 
“I wish we were all at the Hotel Norbu Linka
What a bad surprise
What a bad surprise
There’s plenty of room at the Hotel Norbu Linka
Any time of year
You can find it there”
 
Cockroaches on the ceiling
There’s Coke, but there’s no ice
And we said
“We are all just tourist here
Of the Christian type”
 
And in the crowded streets of Thamel
They offer you hashish
You can stab them with your Ghorka knives
But you just can’t kill the beast
 
Last thing I remember
We returned to Kathmandu
Our cash supply was running a little low
So we stayed at someplace new
 
“Relax,” said the bellboy
“I’m not one to deceive
You can check out any time you like
And in one week you’ll leave”